by Dana Koptleuova
Competing with a Star Student Sibling: How I Learned Not to Compare Myself
Living in the shadow of successful siblings is tough on anyone’s confidence. For years, that was my reality as I grew up with sisters who excelled academically and socially while getting praised by everyone around them. Meanwhile, I struggled to find my path and constantly felt like I wasn't measuring up.
In a personal diary entry from a year ago, I wrote about how those comparisons have led to feelings of self-doubt and imposter syndrome that still plague me. It’s hard to trust your capabilities when everyone around you seems to think you're inferior. It took an exhausting journey filled with ups and downs for something to click in place — the knowledge that all along we had been running different races altogether, distracted by irrelevant external factors until we discovered our unique paths forward.
Individuating oneself can be challenging because social pressures can influence our choices subconsciously, but making decisions aligned with your genuine interests fans the flame within your soul, such that little victories feel significant alongside significant leaps forward. Whether one chooses a similar or dissimilar career path compared to their siblings or peers doesn't matter; what matters most is whether they are happy and fulfilled. When you compete against yourself instead of others, it's easier to be sanguine about your life's course. Learning how to stop comparing myself to my star-student siblings was a journey filled with challenges yet rewarding.
I chose not to be bogged down by constant comparison. It was crucial at this point not just for growth but also to accept that we are all different, unique, and have our strengths. Overcoming comparison was challenging; however, communication played an essential role in finding a solution that worked for us all. My parents and sisters became more sensitive after discussing how their constant comparisons made me feel; it allowed us to understand each others' perspectives better, in turn supporting one another as best we could.
Through this journey of self-discovery, embracing uniqueness became effortless rather than
feeling threatened by others’ achievements or aspirations. Rather than focusing on comparison,
continuing personal growth helps you set your own goals rather than anyone else’s. Now a brighter future lies ahead because the burden of comparison is lifted off my shoulders, allowing me to celebrate success openly — both mine and my sisters'. Remember, the real competition that counts starts with oneself, so embrace your unique side and shine brightly and unapologetically!
About the author:
Dana Koptleuova (she/her) is an ambassador at Neolth and is currently in her junior year of high school in Kazakhstan. She is passionate about raising awareness about mental health and promoting well-being in her community. Through her work at Neolth, she hopes to help others find the resources and support they need to prioritize their mental health. Outside of school, she enjoys reading, spending time with friends and family, and exploring new places. She dreams of one day writing her book.
