Anonymous Author
As a high school rower, I train six days a week and three to four hours each day. As a rower I row on the water, erg (indoor rowing machine), run, lift, and bike. When I developed a health condition, my performance began to deteriorate. Many athletes experience injuries or physical setbacks, and the mental effects can be detrimental.
In the fall of my sophomore year, I was making immense strides on the erg, gaining confidence as my team approached the spring racing season. Unfortunately, during winter break I developed a sickness that inhibited my breathing. As such I was prescribed steroids to alleviate the illness. The use of steroids contributed to my developing Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) that greatly inhibited my athletic performance. For the next 6 months, my aerobic capacity worsened. I was transparent with my coaches about my health condition, yet felt pressured to continue with high-intensity workouts. I had to alter my diet completely and was unable to eat most food without pain; the medication that I was taking hardly led to positive results. I was exhausted and defeated after every workout. The ‘tough-it-out’ mentality within my athletics organization further harmed my physical condition, worsening my mental state.
My mind was only on my sport; I was getting distracted from my other responsibilities. My schoolwork was slipping, I could not sleep, and was very unorganized and barely eating. Individuals told me I could not perform because I wasn’t pushing hard enough, or that I was too ‘skinny,’ which invalidated my physical issue. Up until the end of the season, both my physical and mental condition worsened. I struggled with depression, isolation, and self-injury. I had to take an indefinite step away from the sport, come summer as my athletic performance was only deteriorating.
Many athletes go through injuries. Some are minor, others chronic, and others threaten an athlete's career. For some student-athletes, these injuries can unveil serious psychological issues such as depression, substance abuse, anxiety, and eating disorders. Moreover, as a student-athlete's athletic future becomes more uncertain it is very easy to feel a loss of identity and a sense of failure. If you are an injured athlete and are experiencing persistent irritability, apathy, sleep disturbance, and frequent crying/emotional outbursts, you are not alone and you can receive help. 988 is a free, confidential resource you can call or text 24/7 to talk with counselors.
If you have understanding coaches, discuss the mental health concerns you are having and the worries synonymous with your injury. If you do not have a supportive environment or culture within your athletic world, you are not alone. There are many resources outside of your athletic space that can aid you mentally. Talking to parents, friends, counselors, or mental health providers can help you in these difficult times. Throughout my mental health journey, I was met with thoughts of ‘Why me?’. I believed I could find athletic success through the sport; the advent of my chronic health issues squashed this confidence. Practicing gratitude and empathy helped me validate and move on from these bubbled self-deprecating feelings. Moreover, to improve my mental well-being I involved myself in activities outside of the sport, self-reflected, and kept an open mind. Reframing athletic goals is imperative. Accepting the situation takes time and patience, but it's the reality many injured athletes have to face.
The injury that you face is a ‘loss’ and it IS valid. The grief you may be experiencing matters and you are not alone.
